Ramblings of a retro ranter

V6.0

2009-10-03T20:41:00.004+10:00

Since my last post, I have ended my relationship with the guy I was dating (7 months later). I knew it was for the best, and once you know it is not meant to be it is best to end it before it goes too far. Unfortunately, ours had passed that stage. You win some you lose some.

I had a friend from my former/Brisbane life pass away on Wednesday the 9th of September. It came as a surprise to so many of us, and he will be sorely missed. Many of the old regulars, as well as current followers of the Brisbane metal scene will remember a friendly, fun loving bloke known as Snailz. Robert 'Snailz' Martin was the one who shook your hand every time you entered the venue, had a beer and a joke with you, and didn't have a negative thing to say about anyone or anything. He was in the moshpit of every local metal band's set, front row centre. He was a great mate to all who knew him. You'll be sorely missed, Snailz.

On another - more positive note, I have added another year to my life, and also I have been bettering myself via losing weight as well as removing negativity. Since being back home I have lost over 15 kilograms, although I aim at losing a further 25. At least this time I am doing it the proper way, exercise and healthier eating habits.

Pop is still in hospital, although this one takes a fair bit too much to explain so I shall leave it for another time.

V5.1

2009-08-19T15:49:00.006+10:00

Update: Pop made it through surgery seemingly well. Hoping the recovery process is positive and we hve home home soon again!

Until then, some pictures hand chosen from the family albums...

Pop, if he put on weight, a squint and wore a tux complete with bow tie.

Pop in parade balloon form.

V5.0

2009-08-12T12:27:00.004+10:00

I know, I have been slack for the past few months. With a fair enough excuse. Since last blogging, I have moved from Queensland back to Victoria (two states ftl/ftw - depending on how you look at it).. Aside from that, it has been back to square one with a new job, new/old friends and other such prospects.

I had originally typed up a rather positive blog and had saved it. Unfortunately things have dramatically changed in the past half a week or so.

Nan and pop moved from Brisbane to Geelong on Saturday. They were both well, slowly moving things and getting the house set up etc. Sunday, however things had taken a turn for the worse. Pop had gone from being able to walk, talk, eat and do things for himself to not being able to walk without two of us, unable to eat on his own and was unable to speak sense - i.e. it consisted of made up words. After deciding to call the ambulance, against his wishes we headed off to the hospital to meet them there. Four or so hours later of tests and such, they found he was bleeding intracranially, and had been since his last head injury the week an a half earlier. The week and a half earlier, he had tripped and pounded his head on the tiles causing internal hemorrhaging into his brain. From this he ha gone into surgery to have it fixed up, leaving a hematoma behind. After being in observation for continual bleeding for a few days the doctors there (in Brisbane) gave him the all clear to fly down to Victoria. But alas, their observation had failed. Poppy had been bleeding out into his brain since the original injury, but noticeable symptoms and signs were only showing a week and a half after the fall.

He was rushed off to Melbourne to see a neurosurgery team to decide the best cause of action, although we already knew that ultimately more surgery was the only option. We spent the day with him before he went in for surgery today. I have never seen him like this, so confused, so disorientated. Although, I am surprised that he was pretty good with remembering my name this time (usually he gets a little muddled and calls me Cass - my cousin. Although he does have the early stages of vascular dementia).. We said our goodbyes, kissed him on the forehead and watched him be taken away for surgery.

He should be out now. However, I have not heard any news. It's strange you know, with this sort of thing at work I am fine, but once it's your own it's a totally different ball game.

Surgery for four hours, and I just got the word - he has made it through the surgery and has gotten to recovery. Fingers crossed he continues to get through it. I am aware that risks of this surgery may not seem that likely to happen, but with Poppys health status at the moment, I am not taking anything to chance. As nan says however, 'We shall not worry until we know for sure there is something we indeed need to worry about.'

I am currently looking positively into the future, hoping that it all works out the way we desire. I could not bare to lose another grandparent. Losing the first two was hard enough. A sense of relief has come over me. I pray it only gets better from here.

V4.2

2009-03-31T21:41:00.004+10:00

Hasn't this month just flown by! Work has been going - I have two jobs now which is good - as well as still doing the web mastering at home in my spare time. Family are good, although a new addition is still yet to join us (by this I indeed mean a puppy) - all in good time I am indeed hoping.

A little confused about boys at the moment. I have been seeing one down here who is quite lovely. But things seem to be easing off a bit - have not seen him in a little while due to both of us being quite busy. I am not entirely sure where I stand with him. Then again I don't know where he stands in my mind at the moment. I will summon up the courage to work that one out soon. There is of course, another one - from Brisbane. Still managing to play on my mind. It is weird, I will start to be getting over him then *ZHAM* he just reappears out of nowhere - and of course I somewhat fall all over again. Although admittedly, I am getting better with withholding the emotions a bit. I need to be realistic, logical, all that serious stuff.

Supanova (Melbourne) was on the weekend just gone - fun was definitely had, all be it early, early mornings (try getting up at 5:30am on a day off, and not getting home until after 9pm!).. But definitely well worth it. It reiterated my slight intrigue with dwarves (there was an uber, UBER cute guy at Supanova - complete with glasses and awesome hair).. Argh, I don't mean to sound politically incorrect tonight, nor do I mean to offend.. But I don't know, I mean everyone has their thing that they are into - I guess I like height extremes :-p Enough rambling for now I think.

The joy of the possible flu is making my head hurt, immensely.

V4.1

2009-03-15T23:53:00.002+10:00

As of this week, new job, and we have found a puppy that we are considering - having a meet and greet with him next week! Also, Will's 25th on Thursday which I am happy I will finally be here for, for the first time in like 3 years.

I have only been back home for 2 weeks or so and I feel myself falling into a nice routine, getting back into the feel of my surrounds, and enjoying the ability to see certain people a fair amount. Among these certain people is a strange one. I’m not entirely sure how to describe him, but he’s definitely rad at the very least. So yes, I seem to be growing quite fond of a particular male. He is like no one I have had the pleasure of meeting (having said that, he does remind me somewhat of a close friend), and he makes me smile like I haven’t done so in such a long time. He isn’t afraid to hold my hand, he isn’t afraid to call me an Oldfag once I have called him a Newfag. He is happy to game with me, discuss gaming, technology, politics as well as religion. He can go on and on about computers, knowing my knowledge lies within other feats – and I like it. He has only been around a short time, but already I feel as though I’m learning from him. It is such a bizarre feeling, but most definitely a good one. He leaves me with butterflies and a huge smile, something which I haven’t legitimately had in oh such a while.

As I said, he hasn’t been around for a while so I will be careful with getting my hopes up. But between us, I hope he sticks around :-)

V4.0

2009-03-07T13:51:00.004+10:00

Much has happened in the past month. Including the trip to Melbourne for a holiday, then to Tasmania for 6 days then back to Brisbane. Oh and me bailing on moving to Tasmania, oh and now am living back in Victoria. Exciting stuff!

Past month I have been massively busy moving, sorting out my stuff for moving and the like. Plus is the awesome weather down here, it is amazing! The joy of being able to sleep with a doona is brilliant! Looking for dogs is also a fun and enjoyable task! Yes, now that I am living back at home mum and I are on the lookout for a new pet! So excited.

I need to get my act together and get motivated for some reviews and such! Probably do one tonight. Bonus of job interviews coming out the wahzoo! Hopefully I nail something soon ^_^

Short post as I am currently ill - thanks dairy for being so darn tasty, but so darn evil!

V3.3

2009-01-30T22:16:00.004+10:00

Much has happened over the past fortnight. We have been fighting with several real estates, I got an new [online] job as a web Mistress [no, not in the sexual context... In the female Web Master context].. I planned a holiday, oh and we have gotten evicted. Yes, you heard it right. We have 10 days to move and be done with the current house - oh did I tell you, I leave for my holidays tomorrow. Wicked!

Basically, we signed the lease with the animals on it and everything was fine. However, turns out the real estate had approved the lease without asking the owners of the property first. We had a friend of the owners come through the house as she's trying to sell it, he turns to the owner and tells her that we have the rats running around the house outside of their cages [which is complete bollocks!], so the owner kicked up a stink about wanting us out NOW. This was about 2 weeks after we moved in, in December.

We then receive a call saying we had a breach notice to remedy the lawns not being mowed [fairo, it's a breach of the lease].. We mow the lawns and within the period of the first breach we receive another.. This one for apparently not having done the lawns and the house being untidy [by untidy we have boxes of packed stuff all over the house as we know we have to move again so there isn't much point in unpacking, amirite?].. We complain, they ignore, and so it goes on. THEN, Lyns calls up to see if our property manager [Brad the wanktard] has agreed to our terms of leaving, i.e. if they want us out before the lease is out they must pay for our moving etc etc..], Brad then tells us that there has been another complaint. ANOTHER! Turns out another real estate has said that they tried to come around to look at the place on Saturday [6 days ago] and apparently could not get in. Now, last Saturday we were ALL home, yes, all 3 of us. Noone came, at all that day. AT ALL! Yet there is breach numero tres, and bang eviction. So basically Katey and Lyns must find a new place and move the house in 10 days whilst I am 2 states away on holidays. If not, our stuff goes to a family friends, they sleep on his mums floor and I move back in with nan. Oh what joy this has turned to be!

Oh, mum doesn't know yet.. Let's keep it a secret, hey? Good.

On the upside, looking forward to Cassie's 21st as well as Kell's whilst I am down in Melbourne. OH and I get to see Sindy and get my new cyber lox! Wicked! [And of course spend time with mama and brother and such ^_^]

Anywho, I need to have my belongings packed and ready for tomorrow and for house moving so I should get back to it.

V3.2

2009-01-16T23:18:00.003+10:00

I'm falling, fading away. What more can I say. I am getting that pitting feeling again, and I do not like how it changes me. I really don't. I get apathetic about everything from work, to housework and it even spreads over to gaming and other such areas. I hate what this feeling does to me, but sometimes I do not know how to deal with it. Ugh. Frustrating. Anyway, in short the past weeks or so have been a bit of a struggle so I am hoping they improve rapidly. In helping things to improve, I bought Star Wars Lego for the PS2 for $13 at the EB Games sale today. I'm quite chuffed, and am looking forward to the possibility of a weekend gaming.

I have been doing better in other areas as of late. I have opened my socialising up more and even initiated events. I've been hanging out with old friends more as of late which has been ace, and even mending bridges with others. Heck, I even went out for dinner andandand a ferris wheel ride.. Aha Daniel, you are a champion for letting me hold on a I went through scenarios of how we could meet our demise. I am hopeless at big heights.

I believe boys are complicated [and I don't deny that they probably think the same about us].. But really, I say what I mean and try not to leave a 'sub-level' meaning. Why can't others do the same? My toe twitching from the other week still hasn't stopped. Seeing the Doctors soon again though.

Also, just quickly... If you say you're going to do something in passing and then say 'Ok, I'll talk to you later about it!', this does NOT mean you have made plans. So instead of making me feel awful, get over it :]

V3.1

2009-01-13T09:21:00.005+10:00

He's gone. A man who terrorised me back home, caused heart-ache and distress; altered lives forever.. Passed away. Now I am quite sensitive when it comes to people passing - I've seen over a handful of dead bodies in my life during work.. However I will not be one of those that do a complete 180 and once the person passed act as though we were friends, we got along, we cared. He was not a good person, he did not have a heart of gold [do not get me wrong, we are not all perfect]. Granted, he was in a tough place towards the end - his final attempt encased him in a limp; lifeless body until ultimately he met his demise.

This event closes an important chapter in our book, I will no longer be thinking 'what if', what if he was to 'suddenly' get better and it happen all over again? I knew it was impossible, to go from what he had become back to what he was, but it never stopped me from wondering. This event will give a number of us the closure in our lives that we have been looking for, for years.

I probably sound cold but I refuse to be one of the ones who turns and says, 'He had so much to live for what a shame.. Isn't it sad..' Etc. That is not me, and although he lived the past couple of years in somewhat torture - he was finally on the receiving end. I know, I sound cruel, but I have good reasons to. I get that it was sad what he tried to do towards the end.. But he did it all to himself. You know, you reap what you sew.

On another note, time for a change. Going to take some time off uni and do some IT stuff for a while. I need to chill and get myself together, and just enjoy myself for the time being. Before I burn out; or my back goes again.

Holidays soon! Heading home [Geelong] for 9 or so days, then on to Tassie where I will be meeting up with Katey, Lyns et al for 6 days to hunt around and such. I seriously can not wait - so excited!!

Cadbury factory here we come!

I sincerely hope they have this at Tassie Cadbury..

Well, off to have lunch with the Nana!

V3.0

2009-01-01T23:40:00.007+10:00

Happy New Years to all! After much waiting, 2009 is finally upon us! I [among others I am sure] have been waiting a long while for this year to finally be here, and here it is! Last night for me was spent between my friend Dan's and Southbank for the midnight fireworks... Oh and in the back of the ambulance. Ahah fun fun.

It started off by me waving goodbye to Katey from the front yard as I set off to the station. Having not been to our new station before I left with ample time, yet today the train decided to come early and hence I did not have time to get a ticket [what a rebel, I know!]. After getting Jane to get me a ticket and bring it to me so I could get out of the train station unscathed of a $150 fine, we made our way to the happy herbs shop in the Valley. This place is hippy to the extreme, and smells wonderfully of incense and hemp clothing. It makes me reminisce over the hippy events/festivals that my mum used to take us to, including such things as Confest and other glorious places; times.

After getting some [completely legal] happy pills and brew we headed to the supermarket to get dinner items - it was decided I cook apricot chicken for us tonight. After trying to take a supermarket trolley out of the supermarket full of bags and still needing to go to the bottle shop, we were stopped by the attendant. Turns out that once you leave the store, the wheels lock so as to prevent trolley theft. It seems it has been a long while since I had been to the good ol' Valley. Heh.

After we trekked up to the Jubilee to collect booze for the others, had a minor flirt with the attendant - who says curls DON'T get the girls - and we were on our way back to Dan's new pad, with a carton of Vodka Cruisers. Ahah, I feel like the epitome of a teenage girl, except that I am well over legal age. Shame. It helped a little that Dan was carrying it, knowing fair well that he enjoys the taste an alcoholic beverage that fairs the same as soft drink. Somehow I think back to the 'outrage' experienced by the Australian Family Association over the 'Alcopop Free Condom Offer.' Can not be bothered explaining, but in the end came this lulzy picture:

Anyway, got to Dan's where I cooked an awesome apricot chicken with rice where we had one or two drinks and played Sing Star. Turns out, I am not too bad at it. We headed out to Southbank to meet up with some of Jane's friends. We danced to bad dance, try hard trance and mandatory songs [such as 'The way you make me feel', and Toni Basil's 'Hey Mickey'] in a sea of people who did not seem to be dancing, which turns out produces pictures like this:

After sitting down for a while, I started to feel ill. Leapt up, running to the bathroom where I proceeded to vomit up blood. Tasty much [Keep in mind I had a total of 2 (two) drinks].. After spending a good 30 minutes to find the ambulance officers with police being next to no help, they took a set of obs and said I was fine and dandy and to just take it easy. I am thinking that the heat, dancing and lack of water did not agree with me. It was dark blood so that tells us that it is old - i.e. no problemo. As I stepped out of the ambulance, walked down to the steps the fireworks started. Happy New Years. I looked around, finding Dan and Jane's cheery faces which seemed to melt away the reality of drunken youths and annoying people in general. Fireworks were not as good as I had hoped for, but were pretty all the same.

After the trek back to Dan's, I downed about a litre of water while the others had more alco pops and we wandered down to the pool. Sat around and had a long chat, then deciding that we would bail out on the pool idea and pass out in front of the air conditioner instead [mainly because someone was getting 'busy' in the pool, or so it seemed]. Good choice I say [in us deciding to bail]. The day after involved pizza, Kung-Fu Panda, Futurama, air conditioner and the pool. All in all a reasonably decent New Years.

Besides, it is all worth it when you have awesome kids to hang out with..

V2.2

2008-12-31T12:36:00.004+10:00

New Years Eve is upon us.. As we roll onto 2009 I'm sure we all ponder on how quickly the year went, where we spent most of our time, what we have achieved and what is to come. This year I thought I had found love, I was wrong. I found out who my real friends are, and moved in with them. I got screwed over by a few guys, moved on and got retribution [mostly]. I got a new job, passed most of my subjects and have 2 third's of a degree. I got pay rises, new contracts, had a car die. Had a beloved friend pass on, had the usual family things pull on my patience strings. Realised I don't belong where I am and that it is time to move on to bigger and hopefully better things. Managed to get closer to my beliefs and religion, which has been a massive plus in my strength. Having had only one attempt this year, I think that's pretty good considering.

New Years resolutions - who does them? Who sticks to them? I have decided to find myself,;find what makes me happy and maybe even find a companion of the opposite sex for, well, companionship. Mind you, I figure there is not much point looking if we are planning on moving mid-year anyway. That can wait, there is always time for that stuff later.

This will be a quick one, as I am planning on having a nap before I head out to my friend Dan's for New Years drinks, then fireworks and pool party galore. Yeah, it is aout time I became sociable again I though.

V2.1

2008-12-26T19:23:00.003+10:00

This month has been a busy one, hence lack of posts for 3 weeks. In the past 21 days we have moved house, had Christmas, done some thinking.

I have been contemplating this for what seems forever and it is the most important question I have at this point in time. What do you think will happen? I mean, what happens once we pas on? Modern science tells us that humans are just material that will decompose and our minds will fade out of existence like a spark of electricity and this life we live as far as we go. What I would like to believe is that when we pass away, we will return to our true essence, and merge 'the collective' if you will, unseen energy that makes up our universe.

I think that everybody wants to believe that there is an afterlife simply [or maybe not so simply] because the thought of non-existence scares them. People seem to either turn to religion to better comfort them and believe that they will get everything they ever wanted and be blissfully happy all the time/for the rest of eternity [sounds to me like someone did not get what they wanted out of life perhaps] or to Atheism to try and believe in the science of the "energy" called the soul in your body that leaves after death and apparently takes your consciousness with you.

Perhaps when you die your consciousness does not go with you, energy does not hold your thoughts and memories and decisions, however instead your brain does. Perhaps when you die, just like anything else in this universe, your energy gets recycled and reused by other sources that use your energy. This is a deliriously thought thought but maybe; possibly a fact that you still cannot deny, the human race has dulled down anything that scares them or found a way to counter that fear or suppress it, death is just something that humans cannot mass prevent cheaply, so many random theories come out about it trying to make us feel like we have "control" - Because there is nothing more us humans like than power and control over situations to make us feel important and special [Do note the bit of sarcasm there]...

Staring at this screen as the clock ticks by makes me wonder how much longer I will be around. Unfortunately I am not currently feeling the most lively, hence this blog lacking energy, enthusiasm or general care.

V2.0

2008-12-05T12:51:00.005+10:00

Christmas is fast on its way, and with it slowly my Christmas spirit is rising. I am liking that this year I have been ultra organised, presents have been wrapped, carded and sent off. Woo hoo.

Also, we got the house we applied for - which means moving next weekend [we get the keys in 7 days], so that will keep us busy up until Christmas where we head to Katey's parents for the day etc. This will be my first Christmas away from family which I think shall be interesting. On the upside, I am making rum balls and cherry ripe balls for my Nan and Pop to take back home with them for the family [My brother adores them, so I figured it would be nice for him to have some again this year :P].

I am currently thoroughly enjoying xTyrantx's new album, 'Prepare For Devastation'; it makes me a happy panda. Unfortunately, today [well more so this evening] I had half planned on going to the movies or something with a boy, however it would seem that we both sort of ceased making half attempted plans. I think it has just been a long, tiring week. Maybe another time then...

I am losing motivation to play - well rather finish - Final Fantasy X. It is shaping up to be the biggest bunch of shinanigans. In short, I am not a fan. However I have Brothers in Arms: Earned in Blood and a few others so I might give them a try tonight :)

Anywho, seeing as I am not working tonight and Katey and Lyns are going out for Katey's Christmas work do, it shall be a night of Pina Colada's [non to low alcoholic] and half arsed Long Island Iced Tea's [with more mixer than tradition tells us]. Shaping up to be an interesting, yet chilled evening..

V1.13

2008-11-27T18:02:00.006+10:00

I kissed your dad and I liked it.
I hope that your mum don’t kill me.

In our house we have a tendency for making our own little parody songs. It is quite a beloved past-time of ours, as petty as it may seem. Then I got thinking about it, how popular parody songs can be. Take Adam and Andrew for instance, as catchy as their songs are they apparently receive copious amounts of hate mail.. In my opinion they are actually quite clever in some of the songs they do, however I do stress some. Mind you, I think it would be excellent if there were more science/technology/geek parody songs. Maybe I need to hunt around a bit more to find some..

House hunting has begun, and we put our first application in. I am really hoping we get it as it is basically perfect for what we want - 4 bedroom, $315 per week and less than a 5 minute walk to the train station. Most convenient I say! Dinner is here, so I shall leave it at that.

V1.12

2008-11-24T19:30:00.007+10:00

The Christmas season is fast approaching, which for many it is a time of joy and celebration... As well as happiness. However for me, it brings on feelings of depression, angst, anxiety and high irritability.

Let us be honest here - even in an un-depressed state, the holidays are stressful and often disappointing. We run ourselves near to the ground buying gifts, cooking, decorating as well entertaining [not to mention you still have to be working on top of this]. Tempers flare as we're thrown together with relatives whom we see not all too often, and don't necessarily always enjoy spending time with. Expectations are high that this season will be magical and perfect as we try to recapture the wonderment we felt as children waiting for Santa, or wait for a rush of emotion as we ponder the religious significance of Christmas. When those feelings don't automatically well up, we are suddenly disappointed.

It is miserable to be depressed during the holidays. One reason is that deep down you know that you should really be enjoying all of the wonderful things that come along with the season. As down as I sound on the season, I really do enjoy a lot of Christmas-ey things - decorating the tree and the house, giving presents, watching Rudolph and the Grinch and event trying my hand at making Christmas themed foodstuffs. But when I'm depressed, the fact that I can not enjoy these things makes me twice as miserable, and I berate myself for not partaking fully in the joys of the season.

The second thing that makes it so hard with being depressed during the holidays is that doing the holidays right requires a lot of planning as well as organisation. If you're not feeling the best, you're so far from having those capabilities that it is somewhat pathetic. You can't even plan past the next hour, let alone an entirety of a holiday season. And organisation?! Come on!

Another horrendous aspect of being depressed during the holidays is spending time with people. Parties, dinners, get-togethers, etc. You're having so much trouble smiling that you are almost positive that you have an absolutely ghastly expression printed on your face. You feel like bursting into tears when someone asks you to join in singing a Christmas carol. Worst of all, in general you are overly sensitive - to noise, to anything sad, like the other reindeer teasing Rudolph, to quite meretricious decorations that [for some unknown reasons] make you really depressed. So the game begins, with you trying to act normal while all of this turmoil and pain is going on inside you, instead of being able to cry and scream or stare at the ceiling like you can do when you're alone.

What I find somewhat difficult is that everyone you know (and even strangers and advertisements) are telling you just how much you should be enjoying this time of the year. Even if they're at the end of their rope trying to get everything done, they will be telling you what a downer you are being. You know you should be happy and having fun - no one has to tell you this. However, they do anyway, and you just want to slug them then proceed to burst out crying.. Yes, they may 'mean well', but they are not making things any easier for you.

Well that's my whinge/rant about the up and coming season.. Maybe next time I shall rant about something a bit more worthwhile.. Ahaha.

V1.11

2008-11-22T19:25:00.002+10:00

First off, V1.3 has been edited to portray my thoughts upon having a think on the blog topic, and please note that from here on in I shall not be editing as such.. Just that I felt this one in particular needed it, seeing as I have since changed my opinion on that one and am no longer feeling guilty.

It is finally Saturday! It is awesome to be back working [over] full time again, the increased cash flow shall be greatly appreciated.. Work is alright, it is currently exceptionally tiring but what can ya' do? I enjoy it, I really do.. I am just sick to flip of the politics of that place. I mean really, all the time they spend whinging about having to do something - they could have had it already done by the time they had finished whinging! Oh well, I am not here to judge - it is indeed not my role. On the upside, the ABI/Psych [dual diagnosis] unit inbetween my ABI and my Psych unit are looking at offering me a contract. I seem to be full of contracts as of late - do not get me wrong, you do not see me complaining! Time will tell I suppose.

Argh my system has been running quite slow as of late. I removed a whole lot of junk yet still it is indeed running slow. I need more space, and possibly a further clean up. Or perhaps I can wait for this to happen...

Trust me, I don't often post/look at this sort of stuff [Believe it or not].

Again, an effortless blog containing a mere miniature rant on my day and my current thought/s. Maybe next time will be a tad more interesting. We will see.

V1.10

2008-11-20T14:39:00.008+10:00

It is Thursday, glorious Thursday. Also known as my day off for the week. I did not see the need to blog yesterday, as 1) I had nothing worth putting [not that I generally do anyway], and 2) I was so exceptionally tired after work that I slept most of yesterday afternoon. Tomorrow brings the beginning of the 6 days in a row, out of my 12 work day fortnight. YAY! Ah, I just continue to think of the money.. It shall be oh so grand.

Other news, I am attending a formal - Ahaha AWESOME! So for this to work [well], I am in need of finding a pretty dress and attempting to scrub up nicely for it. I may have even found a date for the event, heh. Ah well, all in good fun I suppose. It will be my first formal ever, so that is something coolness. That and the lead up will allow me to hang out with Jane more, which is an absolute bonus.. She is indeed an awesome lass! What gets me a tad nervous is, I have never attended a formal - heck, I even missed my own debutante ball.. So I have a few things to research, to remove the possibility of something like this happening..

Also, I want a new console but I am unsure as to which one I desire the most. A SNES, Wii or an XBox [then I can emulate and have all of the SNES goodness on that one, however the Wii has Mario Galaxy and Wii fit. Mind you I don't want to be getting a console just because of 2 games, do I now? Not very practical]. Ah well, maybe I should save my pennies and hold off for a bit? We'll see how it goes I guess.

Oh, and yay for meeeting new people who I can actually converse with whom don't think I am weird when I make geeky/nerdy references. Total pwnage, heck yeah! That is all for today.

V1.9

2008-11-18T20:16:00.002+10:00

Work was tiring. New clients and new staff. Exhausting as well as frustrating when it is clear they have no interest or no idea about psychiatric nursing. On the upside, looks like I am back to doing 5/6 day work weeks. Awesome!

V1.8

2008-11-17T18:35:00.007+10:00

Yay for Katey being 21 today. They grow up so fast, etc etc. She has indeed taken a shining to the likes of Guitar Hero and to be honest [and totally unbiased] she is pwning at it! However, a few hours have passed and surprisingly she has already cut down on her cigarette intake. A sign that the game is already getting to her? Will something like this be the next step on her way to full blown addiction?

Maybe, if Katey were a man.

So my mind was brought to an episode of South Park [Season 11, episode #166], well named Guitar Queer-O. Basically Stan and Kyle get so good at playing Guitar Hero that they get a contract, in parody form they split when Stan is pushed to play with another kid. He goes on a downward spiral of Heroin Hero [parody game - no duuh] where he is chasing a dragon he is never able to catch. I will not be so cruel as to spoil the ending, however it did raise the thought that maybe.. Just maybe, this could be us at some stage:

If we were cool enough.

Moving on. Work was good, and eventful. I am greatly amused when nurses at work give me Belgium [i.e. crap] for my age [currently I am basically the only one under 35 or so.. Yet when it comes to the Aboriginal flag, some of them can not even remember the colours involved [okay an exaggeration, they could not remember the order in which they went - but you get the drift]. Also, if I have stomach contents spurting through a tube in my direction again - it will only be too soon.

V1.7

2008-11-16T12:01:00.005+10:00

Last night I received a phone call from a not so nice ex [for those who know me and my life, it's the cheater]. Anyway, I hadn't spoken to him in over a year and he calls out of the blue, no doubt calling for something in particular. Long story short, I am left to be feeling like I have done something utterly wrong even though logics and rationality are both telling me that I am in fact in the right. So to remove the temptation of having a go at him, I have since removed him from all accounts as well as deleted his number. Good move on my behalf, I think. Also, epic win to Helen [Lyns' Mum] for being home to allow me to vent and make me see that in fact I am in the right and I hadn't done anything wrong. =]

On the upside, I am going through a short phase of thoroughly enjoying cheerleading again. Bring It On seems to always put me in the mood for bad 90's pop and dance music, and the feeling/desire to want to wear lycra blend skirts has never been so great. With pom pom's and uniform to match, such as this, who can resist the temptation to dream about 'bringing it'? As with the movie I watched last night, the somewhat alternative guy gets the Hollyood girl, mind you I still end up with a smile on my face as they kiss at the end. Besides, who could ever forget the credit bit where the Clover's and the Toro's come together to do a rendition of 'Hey Mickey.' Can I get a, I said brr... It's cold in here, there must be some Toros in the at-mos-phere!

Who could forget the spirit fingers?

The sequel Bring It On Again follows a slightly [well, entirely] different story line than the first of the trio. Freshman gets into squad, leader is a bitch, freshman leaves squad and starts own with university outcasts. The costumes [to me] don't seem as awesome, but it seems there's still a whole lot of pep! The underdogs come to win, and the freshman even gets the guy. How bomb-diggity?! If you learn anything from this film, it's to don't be all up in my Kool-Aid.

Kool-Aid, ghetto style.

V1.6

2008-11-15T18:47:00.011+10:00

Exam 4 out of 4 completed today, and I am feeling pretty good about it! That's uni done for the year, now I can focus on work and moving and such. Woot.

What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Romantic movies are [secretly] certainly one of my favourites when it comes to movie genres. I think I associate more relationships I’ve had with movies rather than songs. Like, you can associate it with words as well as pictures, rather than just the words [with music]. This seems to make the movie leave a mental image that’s stronger than a song, I guess [Don't get me wrong, I still associate some people etc with songs]. Movies set the stage. What ends up playing out is just about anyone’s guess, but personally I would rather take a night on the couch with a good movie than one spent by the radio when it comes to love.

Highlight for this evening would definitely be seeing Mike O'Malley serenade Heather Locklear on the footpath, even up the fire escape in an attempt to win her heart. Any guy that takes me to a concert [or even a gaming convention] for our first date would definitely be in the runnings of having my heart, but that's just me.

I sometimes wonder, how these [romance] movies become so popular? The story's are more than often illogical and very, very unrealistic. I mean, daughter pretends to be 'the dream guy' to mother on the internet, then tells mother. Yet the daughter is still alive?! This being said however, I must admit, there is a certain appeal to them. Having even the smallest ounce of hope in thinking that these scenarios could infact happen to us one day, somehow manages to connect us with the film. Clever. I am optimistic that one day I get the geeky guy [in this case Ben Feldman] in the film. Or am I just not Hilary Duff enough? I bet she doesn't get his comic jokes.

V1.5

2008-11-14T19:05:00.004+10:00

It's Friday evening, I have the house to myself and I'm spending it cleaning and studying for tomorrow's bio exam.. Surprisingly, I am feeling pretty darn good about this exam. The topics are actually making sense this semester [shock!], but we shall just see how we go tomorrow I guess.

The prospect of a [further] new job has improved my mood. Just a place [basically] down the road that offered me a job a while back when I was going there through the agency. May as well get it while I can. I need all the money I can get for the up and coming move [as well as for next year].

I need to stop biting my nails. It's disgusting, and it hurts when I go too far. Yet I continue to bite them, go figure. Ah well, another thing to work on over the Summer. Oh, joy... Summer. Please note the sarcasm, I am not a Summer person. The heat bothers me. Unless I could live at the beach, even then I prefer the cold. Nothing really exciting to blog today to be honest.. Can't always have a life full of excitement.

V1.4

2008-11-13T11:44:00.005+10:00

Exam 3 out of 4 completed today. Ethics and health Law. Seemed a bit too easy, one of those exams that you think.. Where are they trying to trick us, ya' know? But I'm feeling pretty darn good about it. Time will tell, I guess.

Today we got mail, not the fun kind of mail either. As the real estate are increasing our rent as well as demanding more bond [neither of which we are able to pay], we have to find somewhere to move to. Oh, did I mention the move-out date? 26th of December. Crappy timing, much. If we need to relocate and I need to get a new job, heck I will definitely do so. I can't afford not to, really. So now, the hunt is on. Bring on 2009 I say. Heck, bring on Tasmania I say!

I just finished watching a movie: The Bridge [2006] is a documentary that was made on the topic of suicides via the Golden Gate Bridge in 2004. Captured on this film, was 19 or so suicides out of the total 24 recorded between January 10th to December 29th, 2004. As well as the captured suicides, were interviews with the deceased families. The families did not know that they had footage of their loved ones jumping at the time of filming, and all were apparently receptive [positive] with the film. I feel that it manages to raise questions about suicide, mental illness as well as civic responsibility.

I mean, why do you think most people kill themselves? Some of you may say they are crazy, others say depression. Perhaps there are sometimes when the person isn't getting the answers they want; or the help they desire are and feel that this is the only way. Now granted, if they die they will never get the help that they are thirsting for; the answers that they are yearning for.

Roy: I can't believe there's a psychiatrist in the building. All because those two from accounts just had enough of everything and wanted to go to the seaside.
Moss: The seaside? They committed suicide, Roy.

Plagued by feelings of deep self-loathing, and a fear of abandonment, people can engage in reckless behavior as well as lose many friends. Suicide is clearly no joke. It is fatal [do ya get it?] not only to the one that does it but to the loved ones around them. When someone takes their own life you cannot ask why. Reason being, you could never put yourself in their shoes. You will never know where they are coming from and why. There are reasons for not being able to cope with this crazy world, and how much they hurt physically as well as mentally. When someone says, 'depression hurts, it's true. It physically makes you tired. You become closed off from others; isolated. You feel like you have no-one and putting it bluntly, it's shitty.

I am no longer ashamed to admit, I have depression. I have being suffering from depression as short as 6 years. It is a daily struggle for sufferers, and without the help we yearn for; the family and friends we hold dear, we might just become another statistic. Argh, it's been a shitty week. Apologies for the not so uplifting post? I am sure you will all live. [Irony, did ya' get it?]

V1.3

2008-11-12T13:12:00.005+10:00

Note to self: close windows of a night time. I woke up this morning to spitting rain falling on me as I left the window open. Could have been worse.

Originally I had this blog as a big WAAA about me making a mistake in regards to a friendship and a slip of judgement. Anyway, since spending a little while thinking about it I have come to the conclusion that infact I have nothing to be sorry about. I never posted your name on the particular blog and never gave away nor told anyone that it was indeed about you. I do not believe I should be sorry, if you believe I should be then how about I wait for my apology for you telling that lady at uni one of my secrets? Yeah, respect [or what is perceived to be] can go both ways. Think about it.

Do not get me wrong, I have kept the promises I have made, and I will continue to. I have no intentions on going back on them.

V1.2

2008-11-11T17:13:00.006+10:00

Exam 2 out of 4 completed today. Not feeling the best about how I will go, but to be honest I am currently quite apathetic about it. This time next week uni will be over for the year. Happiness shall wash over me, etc etc.

To be honest, I don't have that much to say today. Feeling a bit down and quite apathetic, and I'm not entirely sure why. I am finding it hard to express myself, and increasingly difficult to call out to those close that I need strength. Seeing as there currently is not much else to say, I will leave you with this..

Silent is the heart that cries,
In the depths of the soul despondency lies.
Clinging onto dreams, how could it be wrong?
When in reality letting go makes you strong.
Head bowed, the ultimate despair,
Grown weary of a world that never seems to care.
Love you sought, the greatest gift, to set your spirit free,
But now the roads too distant, your eyes too blind to see,
And to be alone forever, is that your destiny?

V1.1

2008-11-10T19:25:00.012+10:00

So today was exam number 1 out of 4. I think it went pretty well. I hope it went pretty well. To be brutally honest, I will be happy when this week is over and I do not have to think of uni until next year.

Isn't it funny, how you can barely know someone and yet still they for some twisted reason despise you? I found it bizarre. Background: in a previous class there was a lass who was friends with a friend, and basically because she assumed she knew what my views were and what I believed and therefore she despised me. Promptly following she disappeared, to be seen again today.. She made it clear she still did not like me, yet could not give any answer that would suffice logically as to why she despised me so. Oh well, no skin off my nose.

I realised today that views on averages can be quite varied from one person to another. Last night I was talking to a friend and we got onto the topic of, 'what constitutes slutty'. We agreed that once someone is unable to recall, or hesitates in recalling the number of people that person has slept with then it is fairly safe to assume that that number is more than the fingers on my hands [currently I have 8 fingers and 2 thumbs]. Anyway...

With all of the advertisement going around at the moment, much of it is pointed towards Sexual health. And with good reason. Commonly reported prevalences of STI's among sexually active adolescent girls both with and without lower genital tract symptoms include Chlamydia (10 to 25%), Gonorrhoeae (3 to 18%), Syphilis (0 to 3%), Trichomonas vaginalis (8 to 16%), and herpes simplex virus (2 to 12%). This tells us that while it may be tabu to discuss or even admit to having/having had an STI, they are more common than we think. According to a Doctor in Brisbane, 70% of his clients who come in are there for the treatment of STI's and the like.

Sharing a bit much, perhaps?

In 1996, the World Health Organisation estimated that more than 1 million people were being infected daily. About 60% of these infections occur in young people less than 25 years of age, and of these 30% are less than 20 years. Generation after generation people are becoming sexually active younger and younger, and without the proper use of precautions alongside are STI's and STD's.

Cauliflower.

Not cauliflower.

What constitutes a large amount these days? In a generation where sex can be as easy and as general as a can from a vending machine [or cauliflower from the green grocers]. The amount of people abstaining from sex before marriage is diminishing, and I am somewhat curious as to how they maintain it considering the world we live in today. What concerns me is how easily these are preventable as well as easily treatable. As Canada tells us, it's as easy as 1-2-Pee.

Take a leaf from Canada's book. Pee in a cup, treat the Clap.

After writing all of this, one must take into consideration the ease of how this could all be prevented - Safe sex. But I guess save that for another day..

V1.0

2008-11-09T19:32:00.002+10:00

Well well, not sure how long I'll keep this one for.
I started this as currently my housemates are in the throes of love-making and such, so I figured I better keep myself occupied.
Content will range from whinging about my day, to my gaming reviews, to ranting about events [personal and public] and whatever pops into my head I guess. I tend to go in and out of phases of wanting to blog. See how we go.

Now, a bit about myself for those who care to read...
I am a geeky metal head [also into many other genres] who is currently living in Brisbane, having migrated from Geelong, Melbourne on a whim back in late 2005.
I live with 2 of my best friends, Katey and Lyndsay. Contrary to popular belief, I do not live under Katey's stairs. I live in the 2nd bedroom [in a cage].
I have a secret obsession of the Gilmore Girls. Not so secret now.
I share an obsession alongside Katey, with Pokemon. If I had the guts [or perhaps the stupidity], I would get a Ponyta tattoo.
I currently have 12 piercings; 4 tattoos. Although I have a high pain threshold, piercings make me cringe. Yet I deal with suicide attempts and other joyous things at work and I am fine. Go figure.
In my spare time I do site maintenance for 2 sites currently, both for friends, both for fun. I enjoy and adore gaming. The graphics, the thought processes, the headshots, the joy. So much so that I currently write and work on http://www.donkeygamer.com.

I am nearly 5'2" [153cms] , and darn proud of it! Although I am short, I am quite the over weight lass.. It doesn't phase me much.
I have congenital schleral cornea in my left eye, which basically means that I am completely blind in it. Naturally the left eye is completely white, I wear a contact over it for normality.
I have a fluid problem in my knees, they get sore at times.
I had a full left elbow reconstruction in early 2001 from a horse riding accident, I am therefore a robot.

I've been in the field of nursing for around 3 years. I stick to psychiatric nursing as well as acquired brain injury. I don't appreciate nor deal well with ignorance to those fields, especially psychiatry as I hold it close to my heart. The same goes for people who talk about subjects, pretending to know what they're talking about when they clearly have no idea. Does that make sense?
I work casually [lol] at an adult store. I am exceptionally intrigued by pornography; all forms. I'm not sure why, but it fascinates me.

Some say I'm conceited, arrogant, self righteous and possibly masochistic.. Judge me if you must but please don't expect a decent response to your possibly profound ignorance.
I am what I am.